Friday, September 26, 2008

An Open Letter to Switzerland

Dear Switzerland,
While you have already stolen my heart in the past month and a half, with your green hills, breath-taking Alps, sparkling lakes, and timely, clean public transportation, I have a few suggestions/complaints. Perhaps I should note I don't care if these don't benefit a single other person in this fine country.

What's with all the ham? There are a lot of cows around. In fact, tomorrow is Desalpes, and we're going to be celebrating the cows returning from the heights of the Jura mountains so they can winter in the valley. They are going to be decked out with bells and flowers, and paraded around. I think it's great, and I'm really excited to see it. However, last time I checked, this isn't India, and cows aren't sacred. So let's butcher a few and eat some steak, instead of eating poor little bunnies, innocent lambs, and majestic horses (seriously, horse?). And really, isn't anyone here Kosher? Let's eat some steak. You have enough cows.

And lay off the mayonnaise, please. I happen to think it's the grossest concoction in the world, and yet it's at every meal, on everything, and I gag a little each time I have to put it on the kids' plates. (Remember, this is all about me.)

And this is the land of cheese. Am I right or am I right? I love all the cheese I've tried. Especially that creamy one with lots of garlic that's rolled up like sushi. Bring on the fondue. I think raclette is my new favorite. But where's the cheddar? Come on, you know a little sharp cheddar would go perfectly with your crusty loaves of fresh bread. It's great with potatoes! And you love potatoes, Switzerland. Don't deny it.

What about tacos? Or burritos? Why don't you let Chipotle come over and open a store? You love McDonald's, and Chipotle is owned by McDonald's, so you will love it too.

One last thing. I love your chocolate. I've got no complaints there. Just a suggestion. Chocolate and caramel are a GREAT combination, and I really think you should try it out. And caramel and butterscotch are two WAY different things, so don't put butterscotch in your chocolate and tell me it's caramel. Don't get me wrong, I do like butterscotch quite a bit, but not when I expect caramel.

That's all for now Switzerland, but I'm sure I will write you later with more suggestions (like open a cello position in the Geneva Orchestra for Dan, so he can come here too).



Swiss Miss said...

I'm with you on the chocolate caramel thing! My mother-in-law found a chocolate caramel bar at Migros...but I didn't see the packaging before she ate it all, so I will have to keep searching.

Jawahara said...

I am so with you on everything. I miss cheddar and seriously, yes, as a non pork eater I have to tread carefully indeed. And I love beef. *And* I get sick if I eat mayo. Yuck!

As for all fast food being McDonalds, what's the deal with that? I love Chipotles but sometimes I would do with some Taco Bell. Ye Quiero indeed.

Are you new in Switzerland, btw? If so, welcome.

Chip said...

Mio! Happy Birthday!!! I hope your day is filled with chocolate AND caramel! If it were possible, we would be feasting on Portillo's Italian beef and Chipotle's burritos but I gotta tell ya, raclette doesn't sound half bad!

This has always been one of my favorite days of the year. Please know that Jules and I keep you in our thoughts and prayers each and every day and bless you in the name of Jesus.